I wrote this article because, at one time, I was very afraid to stay with my dog through
to the process of exiting our lives and lovingly comfort them in their time of need.
I was afraid of what I would see or feel, I guess, and it was out of that and trying to help
a lady with the same struggle, that I wrote this.  I hope it will help any of you
that are struggling with whether or not to stay with your best friend in the time
of exiting this world.  My prayer is that you are blessed by this.....

"Saying Good-Bye"
Euthanasia

 

My intentions in jotting down these words are not to depress anyone reading it or to cause an atmosphere of judgement...only
to help in a decision of great importance in a person's life. If only one person, is helped in making a decision to "stay"
with your beloved companion at the end of his or her journey on this earth, then I'm glad to have shared these
comments and thoughts with you...

I was talking to a lady who has a 12 year old miniature black poodle.  We got on the subject of knowing
when the decision to help our old geriatric companions over to that side of peace and rest.
I just happened to start talking to her a about 3 adult dogs and 2 four week old puppies that I had not
stayed with and how I, personally, could not get over the "guilt" or nagging feeling that I had abandoned them
when they needed me most.  I could see as I talked to her that her attention to what I was compassionately
trying to convey, was drawing her attention in closer to what I was saying.

I told her that I was laying in bed the night before and for some reason couldn't quite fall asleep and I don't
know why, but every time I closed my eyes, I had my Soft Coated Wheaten's face before me.  I opened
my eyes repeatedly and closed them trying to not  "see" Shevaun's face in my mind's memory, however, it wasn't
going to work....I had to get up out of bed and move around. 
I will never forget the look on her face, when my vet picked her
up in his arms, after asking me "Do you want to stay?"   He started for the door to where the surgeries were and
the lab tech's were, he opened the door, turned and looked at me as if to get me to change my mind.  It was then
that I saw that face of my Shevaun that will forever be etched in my brain.
I kept her groomed with long ears and "bangs" over her huge Wheatie eyes, that were like looking into a precious
moments piece, and as he began to step through the door, my sweet Shevaun, who would have never hurt a fly, turned
to look at me in that pleading way like as if to say,
"Mom, pleas, I don't want to go with him.  Come get me."
This is the haunting sight that I have forever in my memory and as I write, the picture of her face rips at my heart
strings and I cry with regret.  I left my vets and sat in the van and just fell apart.

Then, years later, after, I had the heat wrenching task of "laying to rest" 2 four and a half week old puppies. 
I had taken just the puppy bitch for the first visit, because she was one of the two that was in the worst
shape with what I knew to be Megaesophagus and we did the barium on her, 3 days before Christmas. 
The choice was made then at that time to put her down.  He asked if I wanted to stay, I said no, I really
didn't think I could handle it.  I again, went through the torture of leaving and the next day when I brought
the second puppy in, the technician told me how sorry she was for the two puppies and my husband and I, 2
days before Christmas, to have to go through this, she then proceeded to share with me that she was the tech
who had to hold the first puppy.
Her eyes were full of tears and talked about how sorry she was for this situation.   When I watched her face and
listened to her, the shame I felt was overwhelming at what I had put her through to have to help with this and
I put my hand on her arm and promised that this would NEVER ever happen to her again with one
of my dogs, ever ever again.
I felt so ashamed that I had not stayed and that I had "made" her be the holder of my responsibilities I have
chosen to take on in breeding my dogs and owning them.

As I shared with the lady I was speaking to about her miniature poodle (of course we were both in tears), I started
to tell her about the dogs that I have stayed with in their last moments.
I said, "You know, they are there for us all the time, no matter what.  They love us when we are having a bad
day, they love us with our bad breathe in the morning and the sight in the mirror is enough to scare away any poor soul,
they love us so unconditionally and will turn around and lick the hand of the cruelest of people.
They have been known to rush to our defense when being approached by a stranger with no thought of harm
coming their way, only that they are protecting the precious one they love.  They will keep at bay, anyone
who would want to harm your property and turn and look at you as if to say, "Did I do a good job, Mom?".
In looking at the dog and the history of "it's" loyalty to man, they even give their life in some instances and
do it with no thought of themselves.
I told this kink lady that every single dog that I have accompanied passing over that threshold of life called "Death",
I have carried with me the comfort and peace of knowing I did what was right for my BELOVED loyal friend. 
I don't have haunting thoughts of sights in my mind of them, I don't close my eyes at night trying to get to sleep
and see those tear filled eyes, I don't cry at the thought of what I felt was wrong for her/him, I am at peace in this
area with my dogs I stayed with and there is no guilt or abandonment issues.

Don't get me wrong, it's not easier at the time.  It's painful, it's gut wrenching crying, you feel like your hear is
being ripped from your chest with the sorrow inside yourself, at the time, however........Let me say for those
of you who have never stayed with your pet...it's very ver peaceful.  I sit on the floor, hug my buddy close,
stroke them, praying to Jesus and telling them how good they are and that I love them dearly, thanking my
Lord Jesus for every moment with them, and as the end is nearing, they quietly and calmly and peacefully
rest their head and you say "Good-Bye sweet Friend".
There is no violent reaction, there is no fighting, no fear in them, they are happy because you are there and
that is the comfort you have just given them for all the years of love and loyalty they've given to you.

Please, whether it is the first dog you are saying good-bye to or the 10th, and you have never stayed with
your dog (or any pet, that is) after reading this, just think it over and give yourself to "them" at this most
important part of pet ownership, the peace you will have in the years to come will be there for you and you
will not suffer the guilt you may be feeling in no saying.
After sharing this with the poodle lady, I apologized to her for going on so, however........but she stopped
me, put her hand on my hand and said, "Thank you so so much for sharing this with me because my
decision to be in the "gray" about this matter, has now been put to rest and I have now made my decision
to stay with my girl."  She said, "I'm so glad we talked about this because I was so unsure about this and
now I know this is what I will do for her, I'll stay".

So it is with this that I decided to write out these words to write this for those of you that are struggling
to stay with their pets at the time of the end of their lives, when you don't think you can handle it....you can...

I go by myself and don't want anyone with me and that is the way I like it, but, if you need a friend with
you, don't hesitate to ask a good friend to go along with you.......after all, that is what your dog is
asking of you, just stay with me.....

Remember.........Dog spelled backwards is........GOD.