Walk Through The Emotional Pain from Hurts

None of us are void of the experience of emotional pain in our lives.
It comes to us, uninvited, sometimes pushing its way in and many times using
people that are very near and dear to us.

Emotional pain has a way of taking over.  It wants to run our lives in how we feel and how
we think.  Our minds are sometimes over run with the thoughts of emotional
hurt through words or intentions and sometimes with attitudes of others that eat
away at our weak points where we have bruises from our past.

Our first response when emotional pain enters our lives is to recoil.  We want to
pull back and put up walls that will keep us protected from being hurt more.
Like a bruise, pain starts to reveal itself on the surface in many ways.  It starts by
maybe showing up with depression, turning inward with our wounded hearts, removing
ourselves from some of our friends and then meditating and nurturing that
part of us that has been injured and responding in a way that has developed
a pattern in our lives to keep us from facing the pain.
Some, get very angry.  They feel like a victim and walk in pity that keeps the
emotional wound “seeping and open”, festering and sensitive and feeling
pain when ‘bumped’ or ‘challenged’.


Some turn to drugs, shopping, surface relationships, keeping busy and finding
a hobby that will cover over the deep part of the heart that needs to find
comfort from the area that constantly condemns them, keeping the
emotion shoved down deep in the dark places of the heart
so that the sting of rejection or lack of love and acceptance will keep them
 from feeling the pain over and over again and stir up the pain within.

The secret to healing is, trust. 
It is in allowing yourself to become relational with someone that can
come along side you and help you conquer that area or room in your life that
needs to feel safe and protected, to build up that trust.
First of all, Jesus has come so that you don’t have to bear the burden
of your pain all alone.  He wants to heal that area of our heart that throbs with
the need to be loved and accepted.

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labor
(strive, toil, struggle) and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”.

He has also told us not to forsake, give up, stop, gathering together
with the “saints”, believers that is, because God’s plan from the
garden was for relationships.  First we have relationship with God,
then, we relate to others.  This relational togetherness will keep us
from being isolated in our pain and grief and will build trust in others
so we can be transparent and share our deep areas of hurt.
When our hurts are kept in the dark, no one can see them.  You can’t make
out something in the dark, because it takes light breaking into the darkness
for something to be seen.
This is just how it works with Jesus in our lives.  When we start to realize
we need help in the place we find ourselves, hurting and struggling, then, that is
the beginning of opening the door for the light to flood in and reveal
what we are having a hard time seeing.
Philip Yancy says, “Pain is the gift nobody wants”.  It’s hard to see pain as a gift.
A gift is supposed to make us feel good.  Produce joy in us and bring us
pleasure in receiving it.  But God is about working out a plan in us that sometimes
doesn’t look so good when we finally “see it” and realize the things done
to us and in us, were wrong and are in need of recognizing to the point of
more pain….yikes, more?  I don’t know if I can do that.

Proverbs 17:22 – A merry heart does good, like medicine
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.


Jill Briscoe said on the radio one day, “Embrace your pain…make it your friend”.
That sort of blew me away at the time I heard it.  I was full of lots of “stuff” that
had driven me to participate in “worldly” indulgences that produced an
additive side of me I didn’t realize I had.
It was when I decided to take a look at the emotional baggage in my life and
ask God what to do with this statement that was so foreign to me.
When He showed me that emotional pain was my “revealer”, I suddenly saw what
Jill Briscoe meant when she said, “make it your friend”.
I finally got that taking responsibility for my own feelings and my response to them,
would set me free from the control it had and I learned a new pattern
and way of looking at these areas, through the power of the Holy Spirit in my life.
I finally found the “key” to understanding the emotional baggage I had
carried around for way too long.

The way I respond to painful experiences in my life, is the thermostat
that is revealing my attitudes and true feelings.  It is the revealer of the
stuff shoved way down deep in those areas that are hard to look at
about who I am and how I am feeling

 and sometimes, a lot of times, very ugly.  By taking a look at what
is bothering me, I can see that it wasn’t the words of hurt someone said
nor the opinion of another that is the problem, it’s the trigger mechanism
in side of me that is the result of past hurts and wounds that never healed to
the fullest and it’s the bruise that gets bumped by others that reminds me
that it’s still there.

I started a process then, of using my pain as a “helper” to be the “revealer” of my
inner ‘soulish man’ (mind will and emotions) that respond out of that place
that is still in need of surfacing and being delivered to Christ.

Relationships with those we trust (and sometimes, those we don’t trust) reveal
the things in us, so that we can have these things come to the surface and
then allow God to work through them and be totally healed and aware for the
first time of how responsible we truly are for our own response through
our emotions. 
God uses people in our lives to sharpen us and sometimes, to
hold us accountable with our response and attitudes of the heart.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man
sharpens the countenance of his friend.

(Countenance: somebody's face, or the expression
on it  ;composure or self-control; to tolerate,
accept, or give approval to something)

In this way, when we embrace emotional pain, we then don’t have that tendency
to build walls up around us, but we see the issue that arises up out of us as
a place that is still in need of healing and deliverance and it takes all the
pressure off of the other people in your life to be responsible for your
‘ouchiness’ or ‘touchiness’ and makes for an open communication because
you now realize that your feelings or responses are for your benefit
to examine your own heart and attitudes.
This shifts, in our own minds, the thought that others have to be responsible
to be “careful” around you and not tiptoe with you because you are now able
to talk and confront, to be emotionally healed and whole.

Our own pain is unique to us and it’s the “sandpaper” of God’s gentle loving
nudges through the Holy Spirit's guidance in our lives, that perfects us and
‘sands off” the rough edges of over sensitivity and makes us smoother
around the edges.  The love of Christ in our lives buffs our surfaces and causes
a shine to start to show on our faces and then others see the reflection of
Christ in us and on us.
 Fear keeps us from moving through our “stuff”.  It paralyzes us.  We freeze up
and turn back in on ourselves and then depression sets in because its
anger turned inward, devouring our own selves in the process, staying
stuck in the quicksand of our problems.

It’s the victim mentality, patting and nurturing our hurts that will keep us
stuck for years, unless we start to let go and trust our own feelings that God
has given us as a “guide post” to read the signs of our hearts and therefore,
learn to examine our own emotions in a healthy way.

2 Corinthians 13:5 says:
Examine yourselves as to whether you
are in the faith.  Test yourselves.  Do you not
know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?---
unless indeed you are disqualified

When we eventually get to the revelation that God has truly forgiven us and
you are ready to move forward in the knowledge and acceptance of your
forgiveness, then we become emptied out of the things that have held
us in the painful grip of self-punishment and lack of taking responsibility
for our own emotional responses, and we move in a forward motion of
healing deliverance and freedom.
When are pain and hurt is poured out and the void left in us is filled up with the
love of God, now there isn’t room left in us for that bitter painful
feeling to reside.  We are filled up with the love of God in the area we have
struggled with for so long and now we over flow with the love of
God and He can use us for the purpose He created us for.  We were created
 to worship Him with reckless abandonment and help others in their struggles
where in with you have been helped.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may
be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with
the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted
by God.

Don’t ever settle in to become “comfortable” in the area of your life of emotional
pain, so that you desensitize yourself to being able to feel, by avoidance or replacing
your pain with another habit or activity or attitude.  His desire is for you to
be set free from the chains of lies and unrighteous behavior that has controlled you
for far too long.  He wants to use you for the Kingdom of God, on earth as it
is in Heaven, and see you dependant on Him for everything in your life.

It is important to face your fears, let yourself feel the pain and have a strong
community of trustworthy, mature believers around you to help you and
love you through the pain to victory…In Jesus…we ARE free.

© Michelle L. Bjorkman – January 7, 2008

 

 

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